Not one of my strengths. Some people have absolutely no problem letting go – I have. From as early as I can remember, I was super careful not to lose anything, memories and anecdotes in particular, and friends. Not so long ago I had a list of so-called ‘contacts’ or personal data I had collected on all those people who had entered (and perhaps also departed from) my life. I t became an annual ritual to go one-for-one through the list and consign some people to my equivalent of oblivion (erase). I could look at a name and/or an email address and scratch my head as to who this person was and why I had stored his/her data on my PC.
Delete. Are you sure? Yes! And he/she was gone. For me anyway. Then I had people whom I had known, perhaps admired, but who had died. Could I bring myself to delete them? Difficult. There again, I also had names and data on some real schmucks who really irritated me – oh the joy of deleting them! At the end of such a session I felt refreshed, invigorated, happy. So why no longer? maybe because the list keeps getting smaller. Or because it is part of a larger evolution in my life – yes, I think so.
Ask anyone who knew me 15 or more years ago. Dick (they would tell you) always had a bigger and better car, a larger house, every sort of gadget, nice clothes, etc. How happy I now am after leaving all that behind me! OK I renewed my driver’s licence two years ago but have not driven since then. My reasoning is that if the bus/train is no solution then I will take a taxi – let someone else worry about the route and the traffic. Fortunately I have never been in an accident where anyone was injured. So why risk that now, especially when I am getting older. Even Prince Philip (97) handed in his licence after his crash where two women were hurt.
Cars in general are objects of a past I try to forget. Put me in a new car now and I doubt if I could get out of the street. They are so complex, over accessorised and electronic. Big houses cost big money (which I no longer have) and I recall clearly thinking in my last big house (prior to 2003) about all the junk you collect because you have room to store it and cannot bring yourself to throw away. Same with clothes. In my own company I always wore a good suit, good shirts and ties and very expensive shoes. Last time I bought a few shirts was more than three years ago, and jeans are fine thank you.
My greatest satisfaction (yes, you guessed it already) are my three kids and a close set of good friends. The number may be small but so what? I am happy to be there somewhere in the background watching the new generation make all the mistakes I did, but also making big successes of all they do. Often as I dream, I am back in the 90’s when I was always traveling, unaware of the treachery growing inside my company and that soon I would be on the street without a penny. Those responsible still reappear in the (bad) dreams and how much I would like to delete them from my head.
So here I end and I underline that it is a happy person who writes these lines. A simpler person too, a more considerate one too I hope. If I pissed any of you off in the past then I am sorry. But maybe you have already deleted me from your contacts?
dickwife 